My Dad’s Journey to Belief

I thought I’d write an update about what God did for each of my parents in the years since I wrote my testimony.  I’ll start with my dad.

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My dad wasn’t sick a day in his life.  Well, not in the physical sense.  I don’t remember him ever having a cold or a stomach bug.  Nothing.  But there was something hidden deep inside him, something even he would later be hard-pressed to articulate, that made him turn to alcohol.  I do know that he had a quiet, expressive soul, and that combination is a hard one to deal with.

Most days of my childhood I could smell the alcohol on him, except for the days he didn’t come home.  Still, he was kind and willing to listen when I needed someone to talk to.

I left home a month or two after high school graduation. The next time I saw my dad a couple of months later he had aged more than I thought he should have. After that I didn’t see much of my parents for a number of years until after their divorce, and I was able to talk to my dad again.

When I became a Christian, I wanted more than anything for my family members to be saved and our family restored. I thought about it, I hoped for it, I prayed about it. 

Sometime while I was away, my dad quit drinking.  He’d had an experience that frightened him and made him stop.  So without the alcohol, and without my mother, we were able to reconnect.

Both of us being chatterboxes, we’d talk on the phone for long stretches at a time.  We’d theorize and philosophize about everything under the sun.  And every now and then I’d try to work into the conversation my very favorite topic – Jesus. 

My dad would be struggling with something and I’d tell him about the One who knows how to untangle life’s messes.  He’d be hard-pressed to understand something else and I’d tell him about the One who gives peace.

I ‘d talk to him about salvation, I wrote him long notes explaining the way to salvation, and his answer was always the same: “I’m trying.”

I’d tell him “Dad, you don’t have to try, just believe in Jesus.”  Still, salvation hung in the air, ungrasped, year after year.  And during those prayers I lifted up for my dad, the Lord would sometimes speak in that still, small voice, letting me know that it wouldn’t be until just before his death that he would finally receive Him.

A few years later I got a call from my aunt letting me know my dad was sick.  The worst kind of sick.  He hadn’t wanted to tell anyone for fear they’d look at him or treat him differently.  I called my dad and we had a hard conversation. He continued to work until it was impossible.

It was May, and I got another call from my aunt letting me know Dad was in the hospital.  I rushed there, day after day, and sat next to him, holding his hand. His mind was already starting to go.  He didn’t know where he was or even what year it was. I kept praying and had others praying, too.

One morning someone called, I can’t remember who, to say he’d had some kind of seizure, or something. Our assistant pastor and his wife, our dear friends, graciously met me at the hospital.

There were no more seizures, and the funny thing was, he now knew what year it was. Pastor T went in to talk with him and when he came back out sometime later, he said he’d asked my dad if he wanted to pray to receive Jesus, and my dad said yes. Grasped.

Almost immediately after that, he was a candidate for hospice.  One never knows if a hospice bed is going to become available, and if so, how long it will take.  But one opened up almost immediately, and the one God chose was perfect.

It was in a home with a beautiful garden. If there was anything my dad loved, it was gardening.  He loved the soil (don’t call it dirt!), he loved earthworms, he loved planting.  We used to say that once he was able to retire from civil service he should work at a nursery. He would have loved it.

My family, my sister and her family, and my aunt, uncle and cousin sat outside among the gardens eating together for Memorial Day while the hospice workers looked after Dad. We wished so much he could have enjoyed the beauty with us.

The next morning I got a call at 6 am from one of the hospice workers saying he probably didn’t have much longer.  I quickly dressed and drove the several miles to get there. 

I walked into the room and my cousin was standing by his bed, telling me he had just passed. His beautiful blue, tear-filled eyes were still open. I had just missed him.  Still, I held his hand again, and said, “I love you, Daddy.”

My Heavenly Father had, in a miraculous way, kept His promise.  Whatever that seizure was, God allowed a moment in time for my dad to be aware, and our friends to be there at just the right time, so he could believe in Jesus and receive Him, and I could have that assurance.  That was just five days before he stood before the Lord, washed clean of his sins, and was welcomed with open arms. The peace and joy that had always alluded him in this life was now his forever.

I think about the day I’ll see him again when nothing, and no one, will ever separate us again, and I thank my Heavenly Father for this most precious of gifts.

Eternally Grateful,

 

 

Sunday Praise and a Prayer to Not Grow Weary

Dear Heavenly Father,

We praise you, Lord, for who you are, for all you’ve done, for all you’re doing, and for all you will do. You’ve done so much good in and through us, Lord. Help us to not grow weary in doing good to others. The world will often not notice, or care, or appreciate the good we do, but help us remember we don’t do it for the applause of people, but to glorify you. 

Help us remember to keep loving even when people don’t love us back, to show mercy even when mercy is not shown back to us, to offer grace, even when it’s not offered back to us. Lord, help us to keep abiding in you so that we can be filled with your strength and courage to love, to show mercy, to give grace, in whatever ways you would have us live those out, remembering that we’re doing it all for you, not for others, and not for ourselves. 

Help us to move away from our natural desires to fit in with and act like the world around us, and instead walk and act in the Spirit, being willing to stand out from the world, living boldly for you and magnifying your holy Name. Renew our hearts now, Lord, as we go into this week, ready to do the good you call us to do, knowing that if we don’t give up there is a precious harvest waiting prepared by you. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

The Place of Victory

“And being in anguish, He prayed more earnestly…”
Luke 22:44

 

I grew up in a small, older house on a hill that had one unusual but useful feature: a sundeck.  When things got especially stressful inside the house, which they often did, and I wanted to run away, I’d walk outside and up the stairs to my solitary place on the roof.  There I sat alone and quiet, as far away from my troubles and the world as I could get, looking out over the valley below.

As I grew older and was able to get away from the house, without really realizing it, I carried my sundeck inside me. And when life got rough, which it often did, I’d run away by crawling inside myself, alone and quiet.

Even after Christ came into my heart, there have still been times when circumstances were so overwhelmingly painful that I did what I always did – withdrew inside myself, running away from the world, even from God.

There I’d sit, alone and quiet, where thoughts and anxiety replaced words.

But words are sometimes necessary for prayer. And without prayer I’d effectively shut God out of my circumstances, out of my pain, and out of my answers.

There can be no more painful trial than what Christ faced in the garden as He prayed about the speeding train that was coming straight for Him – arrest, rejection, torture, and death. Death on a cross.

A death that would cause Him, a perfect man who had never known the guilt and shame of sin, to feel more than an agonizing death, but the weight of every sin that had ever or would ever be committed.

If there were ever a darkness to descend on someone that could cause anxiety and a loss for words, this was it.

“And being in anguish…”

This was not just anxiety or worry.  The Greek word for anguish is agonia, meaning agony, and it comes from another word agone, which is “a place of assembly (as if led), that is, a contest (held there); an effort or anxiety – conflict, contention, fight, race.”

Christ had withdrawn to the garden as He faced the darkest, bleakest time of His life, but not to shut out the world, to run to His Father.  To pray, and not just any prayer. This was a fight.

He agonized with the conflict in His own humanity, asking His Father if it was His will that He would remove the suffering, and He fought against the enemy.

But the harder the prospect of deep suffering pressed in to Him and the anguish weighed on Him, the harder He pressed into the Father.

He prayed more earnestly.

The more He struggled the more intently and more fervently He prayed, so much that He sweat drops of blood falling to the ground.

By the time He left the garden of olive trees, He was strengthened in His Spirit, one with the Father, and resolute in His purpose.  He was ready.

Because He turned to His Father, He went through the suffering and was victorious in accomplishing His will, for the joy set before Him…

Sometimes in our anguish we are tempted to turn to other things.

This world offers a million things and people and ways to get through our times of suffering.

But only one way will bring us through suffering even more strengthened, more courageous, and in the end victorious, and that is by pressing into God through prayer.

Sometimes all we have in prayer are groans, but even then the Holy Spirit knows our hearts and our minds and is able to interpret those groans and intercede to the Father on our behalf. He knows what we need even when we do not. All we need to do is show up.

Christ found victory in the garden through prayer before He ever saw the cross, and we’ll find victory, too, if we’ll show up in our garden, our sundeck, our closet, wherever we seek the Lord and His will and provision, and pray.  Don’t mull, don’t pout, don’t feel sorry for ourselves, and don’t try to figure it out on our own.

Pray.  With whatever faith we have, enter into the throne room of God by the blood of Christ and pray the boldest prayers we know how.

Prayer is the avenue that gives us His strength to keep believing in the darkest trials, to line up our will with God’s, to fill us with His peace, and to give us a vision of the joy set before us…

Christ showed us the way in the garden.  And because He was victorious, in death and in life, so are we.  His joy was to bring reconciliation and relationship between the Lord and us. His joy was to know us now and forever.

And our joy, if we’ll seek Him even in our darkest times, especially in our darkest times, is to be more than conquerors.  To conquer our sins and our fears on the backs of those trials, and through it all to know Christ, our Redeemer, our Savior, our Friend, now and forever.

“Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. I’m about to call each conqueror to dinner. I’m spreading a banquet of Tree-of-Life fruit, a supper plucked from God’s orchard.”
Revelation 2:7 The Message

 

Sunday Praise and a Prayer to Seek Him

“Thus says the Lord:

‘Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,
That I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment,

and righteousness in the earth.
For in these I delight,’ says the Lord.”
Jeremiah 9:23-24

 

Heavenly Father, we praise you.  We praise you for all you are – for your great loving kindness, your justice, and your righteousness.  You have been so gracious to forgive us through your Son, to bring us this far through our temptations, our failings, our weaknesses, and to wisely use them all to train us up and sanctify us, purifying our faith, and preparing us for the day we meet you face to face.  Please forgive us for the times we’ve run ahead of you, for when we’ve focused more on what we’re doing, trying to serve you in our own strength, instead of just loving you, and understanding and knowing you, our God and our Savior.

Lord, give us a new perspective, that even more of our heart’s desire from this day forward would be to seek you, to know you, to understand you and your Word and your ways.  Help us to let the things of our flesh go, that nothing would come between us and You so that we might continually walk in your Spirit, bringing you glory through every blessing and trial we face in the coming year.  Lord, we ask you to break every stronghold in our lives that have kept us from fully committing our lives to you and serving you wholeheartedly.  As we seek hard after you, we know your love and your will will fill our hearts to lead us and make us fruitful for your kingdom.

Help us to not give way to fear, but fill us with your strength and courage, especially as the world turns against you and your people more and more.  As the evil one seeks to make us cower, help us remain steadfast upon You, the Rock of our salvation, the One who has overcome the world, the One who has already prepared us for eternity and a place with you forever.  We give you glory, Lord.  You are our glory.   In Jesus’ holy name we pray, amen.

 

Sunday Praise and a Prayer for Dependence

“During the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision. Then Daniel praised the God of heaven…”  Daniel 2:19

 

Dear Heavenly Father, we praise you.  We praise you for who you are, for your unending love and wisdom which you have freely shared with us through your Word, and that you continue to give us as we seek you with all of our heart.  Lord, no matter what we’re going through right now, whether it’s a matter of life or death, or simply getting through another day, may we never be so arrogant and prideful to think to ourselves, “I’ve got this.”  May we continually lean you on, depend on you for wisdom and direction every moment of every day. You are our God, our Lord, and you’ve been so gracious to fill us with your Holy Spirit to continually minister to us, lead us, teach us, and comfort us. Help us turn down the sound of our world and of our own voices.  Anoint the ears of our hearts so that we may be attuned to Him, and grow accustomed to the sound of His voice speaking to us in that still, small way.  Give us the courage and strength to turn left when He says to turn left, to be still when he says to be still. May we obey you in all things, our Lord and Savior.   In the mighty and precious name of Jesus Christ we pray, amen.